by Mel Paddick
Everyone has at least one significant time in their life when they were blindsided by a loved one. You just thought of it, didn’t you? Searing words were directed at you out of the blue. No warning. No preamble. Just devastating blow after devastating blow. You shake your head in wonder. Where did it come from? What just happened? Complete bewilderment. Am I being overly dramatic? Maybe too sensitive? Truth be told though, if you’ve ever experienced betrayal, you’ll know that saying “it hurts” just doesn’t cut it; doesn’t express the shock, the loss of trust, the deep sorrow burrowing into your crushed soul.
Inevitably, with the waning of shock comes a choice. Do you hold onto the hurt or… forgive? Forgive? How? I mean, forgiveness is beyond tough, right!?! How do you forgive the one who’s left you bereft? Yet, the Apostle Paul calls us to do just that: “Repay no one evil for evil but give thought to do what is honourable in the sight of all… do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good” (Rom 12: 17,21). Oh Man! The implications are intense! But what if forgiveness was as easy as agreeing with Paul’s words…
Over 20 years ago, I was blindsided. Didn’t see it coming. I was decimated. That inner voice that holds you captive wouldn’t let up: “You have the right to feel this way. You were wronged, you didn’t deserve it.” And maybe that voice is right to a certain extent. After some months had passed though, the effects lessened; the barrage of emotions calmed. Reason began to infiltrate. I recognised that what Paul said was true: God didn’t intend for us to treat one another so callously and carelessly. And, despite the damage inflicted upon us, we don’t possess the ‘right’ to hold unforgiveness and bitterness against one another. God didn’t design us to tear one another down, but to build up and encourage one another with love. And so, I tried on forgiveness.
God knows I prayed for it; petitioned Him for forgiveness to be made whole in me. But my thoughts and words still reflected the truth of my heart… not there yet. I called and apologised for my part in the issue. I laid it at Jesus’ feet. I said I’d forgiven. Honestly though, whenever their name was mentioned, I found the past hurt still coloured my view. I judged them by how they had treated me… Our relationship has been tenuous at best over the years, neither of us ever believing we would experience more than what was the ‘now’… at least I saw no sign of anything better. And isn’t that what the Adversary wants us to believe? Isn’t he the prince of misunderstandings, confusion, family fractures, mediocre friendships, and marriages? Isn’t it the enemy who sows seeds of dissension between parents and children, husbands and wives, brothers, and sisters?
But it’s just not good enough! So, where to now? We need authentic RELATIONSHIP. Do you know that when you give all of yourself over to God; when you commit your whole life to Him, His attributes will become known and implanted in your heart? All God’s love is expressed through his compassion, grace, patience, loving kindness, and faithfulness (Ex 34:6-7). And it’s out of these traits that His justice comes; He will repay… not you. If, as Scripture says, God is for us, then who can truly come against us? Sure, people are going to try to bring you down, but God’s love is so unbelievably, immeasurably complete, that it will never cease to do a good work in you if you remain surrendered to Him. And although it may take time, it does come… full, genuine, wonderful forgiveness. Will you raise your hands today in surrendered worship? Everything else falls away when your hands are open wide…
Mel Paddick, wife, mother of 3 plus 2 sons-in-law and Nana to 4 grandkids. I completed my Bachelor of Ministry through Malyon Theological College, QTC and CHC in 2019 and this year God called me to start my own business: BTW Pastoral Care “Beyond the Whirlwind”, which includes Spiritual and Emotional Support, Discipleship, Mentoring, Conflict Resolution and Chaplaincy. I enjoy writing and speaking and am an advocate for overcoming the Adversary’s message of shame, doubt, and fear which he sends through his conduit, the world. I’ve recently been appointed as an Elder in my home church, SDBC (Sunnybank District Baptist Church). My husband Tony and I also support Care Outreach and are off to Mitchell (QLD) for a week of visitation as an expression of God’s presence in outback Queensland.
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