by Mel McCredie
The social media world we live in today can be a lot of pressure. In fact, it seems like just about everything we do is for an audience. But who are we trying to impress? Family? Friends? Co-workers? What do we want people to think when they look at our lives?
The truth is we all have a deep need to be seen.
But I’ve been wondering a lot lately about what motivates my actions. I was a stay-at-home mum for a number of years, and I loved being with my girls when they were young. Yet, it’s been my experience over the years that many people looked down on me for making that choice.
But my decision to re-enter the workforce also came with its challenges. Staying home and managing a household was not a highly sought-after skill to add to my resume. Even though I really thought it should be! I started to notice that every person I met asked me what I did. And when I said, ‘stay at home mum’, I often felt dismissed.
It’s fair to say that you lose something of yourself when you become a parent.
Everything becomes about the kids, and it’s really hard to find time for anything else. I threw myself into the role of being a mum, so much so that I forgot to factor in the reality that kids grow up! It sounds a bit ridiculous I know, but it’s true.
In a way, I grew up alongside my girls. I have had to re-invent myself, and it took me a long time to have the confidence to pursue my own dreams. I knew that God had gifted me, but I also knew that for the season of young children I was exactly where He wanted me to be. But with that coming to an end, what was next?
That’s a tough question to answer. Sometimes I think I have to decide now what I’m going to do for the rest of my life! But as I reflect on my journey, I see God’s gentle reminder that the seasons do in fact change. Whatever I choose to do next, it won’t be forever. I shouldn’t be scared to try. Because if it doesn’t work out, I can do something else.
That is both the tension and the beauty of this season I find myself in.
It should give me a sense of freedom and joy to know that God is the God of second chances. But what I actually feel is the fear and the pressure of not getting it right. I know I shouldn’t be afraid of making a mistake, much less what other people will think of me if I do. But I am. I don’t want to let anyone down.
In the last couple of months, God has called me out of my comfort zone and into things that I never imagined myself doing. The uncertainty that comes with living through a pandemic has been challenging for us all, and I am still trying to find myself after a difficult couple of years. Yet God has surprised me by renewing a sense of joy and passion for ministry that I was afraid I’d lost.
What I’m experiencing as I try to embrace all the changes is God’s eternal patience.
The world’s idea of what I should be and what I should do doesn’t matter as much when I view it in the light of God’s love. Ultimately I want my life to be a reflection of Him. We all have an audience observing everything we do, but there’s only one opinion that really matters. God is my audience of one. Who’s yours?
Melinda is a writer who shares her life experiences with God on her blog, www.thedevotedlife.com She also has a self-published book. Melinda attends Gateway Baptist Church with her husband Drewe and two daughters.
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